She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
