my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'm always down for nudity.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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