I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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