you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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