I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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