dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
