I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
