If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
