The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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