I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
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