saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
