how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
he fucked my hip out of place.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
