Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
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I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
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Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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