I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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