I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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