Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I need water and some morals
Randomize
