you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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