he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
