Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Dick very happy bro
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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