rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
You're earring is so big in my mouth
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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