I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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