Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
