everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
zippers are such a cool invention
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
