he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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