I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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