I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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