Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
