dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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