It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
