I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
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