She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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