I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
