Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
There r osticjed everywhere
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
