Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
