I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
