Im at strip club and am horny
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.