You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
