pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
