your thong is hanging out like whoa
I have demons in me.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
