if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
