i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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