my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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