i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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