He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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