You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
