It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
