i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
