Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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