Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
is it fun? or sober?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
