Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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