I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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