You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
