Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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