Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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