when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
there was a trapeze. enough said
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
