I only kidnapped one of them. chill
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
