i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
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