dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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