I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
