If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
