omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
