If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
