We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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