Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
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