Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize