Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
