One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
