I cannot find my penis.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
