just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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