I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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